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| Be honest, are you starting to gain feelings towards anyone?
*giggles* OMG HOW DID U KNO?!1
Is anything bothering you right now?
Sort of. But I'll try being optimistic.
Have you ever liked someone older than you?
I like many people older than me? But I'm usually attracted to people slightly but not significantly older than me.
What's something you're excited for?
Trying on my Eid clothes and seeing which one looks ze best on me.
Good mood?
Eh... Could be better.
Do you have a boyfriend, or girlfriend?
Ew, those things are overrated.
What are your chances of getting with your crush?
I dunno. I'll go with 100% maybe? Yes, I know I'm pretty confident. :|
Is the song you're currently listening to being sung by a male or female?
Neither, seeing as how I'm not listening to a song. Silly you, did you think I was the average teenager always listening to music?
Last time you were really happy?
Ermm... Last Saturday night?
Do you like your music loud or at a reasonable level?
Reasonable level. Well actually, I like it loud, but not so loud that I can hear my heart vibrating.
is someone jealous of you?
Who wouldn't be jealous of me? :P just kidding! Seriously, if anyone was jealous of me, they would be pretty pathetic to be in that situation in the first place -_-
What’s something you wish to change in your life?
I wish I was married, and done with studying.
Name something you want?
You! I want you, dammit! But of course, you already knew that.
Have you ever shouted at random people from inside a moving car?
Countless times, undoubtedly.
Can you honestly say that you're okay right now?
I'd be lying if I said I was okay.
Have you consumed alcohol in the past 24 hours?
Well I've been sober for 17 years and counting. Whoo! Go me!
What are you listening to right now?
The dishwasher and Iman saying that "New Moon" apparently made more money than "The Dark Knight" did. WTF! How is that even possible??? What has humanity come to? Sparkly Vampire-loving Rabid fangirls ruling the world???
When was the last time you were told you were cute?
If being called a "cutie-patootie" constitutes that, then very recently.
Are you a different person now than you were five years ago?
The changes keep coming, my dear. I think I've changed for the better personally.
Did any particular thing brighten up your day today?
I watched two episodes of Grey's Anatomy?
Does anyone have feelings for you?
Sure, sure.
Have you ever been so badly hurt that you wanted to stop feeling completely?
Yeah. I mean, I know its a completely Bella-esque statement, but hasn't it all happened to us?
Who called you beautiful last?
Husna <3
Have you ever worn the opposite sex's underwear?
Well I've worn boyshorts made for girls... But I suppose that doesn't count now does it?
Do you have trust issues?
Unfortunately yes.
Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
Always. Though right now I'm finding it really hard.
Are you going to have a good night?
No.
Does your "group" of friends have rules?
Yes. That's to spend time with one another.
When's the last time you said you were okay, but really weren't?
I do that often, so it must've been pretty recent.
Are you currently mad at someone?
Not really.
Do you believe ex's can be friends?
I believe so. I've seen it happen.
Is there someone who had made a difference in your life?
There are many people who've have made a significant impact on my life.
Where do you want to live when you are older?
Where ever the road takes me.
Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment?
Ya rite. Why would you avoid something so good?
Could you see yourself dropping out of high school?
Not really.
Have your past mistakes made you wiser?
I'd say so.
When was the last time you felt like just disappearing?
I've felt like this many times. I forgot the last time I did, but I'm sure it was pretty recent because I'm really embarrassing. ._.
I bet you miss somebody right now?
I miss quite a few people.
Would you rather be stuck in the pouring rain or in a snow storm?
Snow storm, or hey, how about both? The truth is, if its pouring rain, there's bound to be lightning/thunder and I'd be scared out of my wits. So yeah, snow storm fo' sho'.
Are you waiting for something?
Yeah.
Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe?
Mhmmm, a few in fact.
Is there a difference between love and in love?
I would think so.
When did you last cry?
I cry often. I think last sunday?
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
Well I was thinking about getting a nose piercing, or a second pair of ear piercings. But I'm more crazy about the nose pierce... Simply because people said I have the nose for it. However, I know many people who've gotten it, and I'd want something original, so maybe not...
Anyone you're giving up on?
Nevarrr. Everybody deserves to not be given up on.
Are you cheating on someone right now?
Yes. You. Oh, you didn't know? Well yes, I am.
When you get upset do you usually keep it to yourself?
I try not letting people know when I'm upset, except for two reasons - When I really want something to be finished or something to happen, or when the person already knows I am upset and keeps asking me what's wrong -_-
Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?
About 50% of the time I think something bad is going to happen, something bad DOES happen. So it's a flipside. On the other hand, if I feel calm about doing something risky, there's a 100% chance that nothing bad will happen.
Did you sleep alone last night?
With the exception of my green dog, an assortment of clothes, and a plastic Wal-Mart bag full of bras, underwear and magazines, yeah.
Are you determined to have a better day tomorrow?
YES >:D
Has someone recently told you something you didn't want to hear?
Yes ma'am.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months without cheating?
What is this cheating?
What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
Wah wah <-- As said by Helen Keller.
Plans for tomorrow?
Study Biology like a maniac + clean house + mope = Sunday.
When's the next time you'll see your friends?
Tomorrow, inshAllah.
Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?
Yeah. The feeling sucks.
Would you go out in public, looking like you do now?
I don't really care about going out in my jammies, but I am wearing short sleeves, and no hijab so that would be pretty scandalous.
Are you wearing any makeup right now?
Yeah, right.
How was your friday night?
Uneventful? I think.
Are you growing apart from someone close?
Yeah :\
Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?
I'm never good enough for anyone. THIS IS WHY I TRY MY BEST TO SUCCEED!
Do you know anyone who would just drop everything to come see you?
I'm accepting, I'm accepting, I'm accepting, I'm accepting...
What'd you cry about the last time you cried?
Something stupid. Many times I cry its usually for a stupid reason. Like somebody yelling at me.
Favorite song Right now?
Exogenesis Part 3, Redemption - Muse.
Why yes, I do love epic music.
What are you listening to right now?
The vacuum cleaner that Ahad is using.
There's a serial killer inside your house. What do you do?
Grab a knife, a phone, call 911, and then KILL THE LITTLE BUGGER! >:D
Do you get scared during scary movies?
I honestly can't remember the last time I got scared during a scary movie. I guess it's because none of it is ever real and that no sensible character would ever react that way to the horror in question.
Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?
A mom, a writer, an inspirer, a hero. | | |
| I'm not sure what triggers it exactly. But you go through the day unaware, until you realize. You are alone. At first it doesn't upset you. In fact, you enjoy the solitude. You enjoy the fact that nobody is bothering you. You like the peace, the quiet. But suddenly there is something that's tugging at your insides, begging you to seek companionship. A deep sort of ache. There's an overwhelming sadness, but you can't quite put your finger on it. Maybe its because you see everybody around you who seems to be happy. You don't want to intrude on their happiness. You feel that if you do, you will just ruin things for them. But inside, you are yelling, "Ask me what's wrong! Please listen to me. Just be there for me. Acknowledge me. Tell me I exist." But when you try to get their attention they don't even meet you in the eye. Their gaze just slips past your face, looking for something else that will satisfy their needs. You clearly do not. And you cannot bring yourself to yell out because once again you don't want to disturb their world of happiness. So you laugh at the appropriate time and act like nothing is wrong. But even when you're laughing a facade, nobody notices and you can't figure out why. Was it your fault that you've become a wallflower? You're sitting there crouched against a corner, wishing somebody would ask you why you're acting the way you are, why you aren't normal. But nobody does. Nobody pays attention. And the loneliness just won't go away. And you feel yourself drift away.
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I once read a book where the narrator (Some teenage girl, and I cannot remember the book's name either) said how disgusting it was that adults called having sex, "making love".
She proceeded to describe how it was in the first place, awkward for her parents to talk to her about it, but to go ahead and use a euphemism instead of the actual action...
But I don't really see what's wrong with the term "making love". And actually, now the more that I think about it, there is a difference. A huge one.
When I think about sex, it is just the act. The act of taking ones clothes off, sticking a penis in a vagina (or a butthole, if you're gay) and having a one-night stand. One just to get on, experience the short-term pleasure, then get off. That's sex to me.
Making love. Well, it seems different to me. It is more than just the act of taking off one's clothes, and sticking a penis in a vagina (Or... you know if you're gay...). Yes, it is about pleasure, but it is about a long term pleasure. Its a private secret only you and your partner share. Like a smile or a glance that only lasts for a second, but it is still a moment. It isn't only about experiencing a sexual desire for yourself. Its about pleasing the other person. And it isn't only limited to sex. Its about curling up into each other's arms. Its about holding hands while walking, or hugging them from behind. Its about learning to accept each other's faults, and look at them as even more unique because you realize that what doesn't make them perfect, just makes them even more perfect. Its about discovering new things, things that most people don't know about him or her. Really? She likes it when you kiss her wrist? Really? He enjoys it when you play with his hands? She prefers hard pillows. He prefers eating his cereal without milk.
Making love is a process that just keeps going on. To me, its just spending time with him or her. That's what making love is.
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| For some odd reason, I found myself watching shows I used to watch when I was younger (I'd still watch them today, if only they came on! Cartoons nowadays are just terrible :\)
It got me thinking. Usually whenever I pick a favorite character, the character usually is green, or its "color" is green. I mean, I know I like the color, but I never really paid attention to them when it came to watching shows. I'm not even sure why I like the color green or what it means about me, I just like it. Its a pretty sound color. But maybe I unconsciously WAS picking out characters based on their color, or what they wore. Cases in point:
Teen Titans - Out of the five superheroes my favorite was definitely Beast Boy, followed closely by Raven and then Starfire. He was pretty funny, and his super power was pretty awesome (I wish I could shape shift into green animals!)
 I've also never met a guy whose vegan. But it didn't stop there. Another favorite show of mine was (and still is) The Powerpuff Girls. I think three little kindergartners who save Townsville before bedtime makes a pretty awesome show. My favorite character there was Buttercup. The tomboy. Out of the three, I think I related to her the most. She was tough, and never acted like a girl. Kind of like me at the time. :\  In case you didn't know, she was the "spice" in the "sugar, spice and everything nice" ingredients. That wasn't the only favorite green character of mine. I also used to watch Totally Spies! too. Yes I know. It was probably my guiltiest pleasure at the time. Even there I picked out the "green" character. I despised Clover - She was everything I was not. In real life, Clover was one of those people I probably would've beat up, sorry to say. :\ And it sucked because usually she was the "leader" (The leader was usually the character standing in the middle of all the rest of the "team" or characters). I liked Alex, but she was really clumsy, and she had nothing to offer to the group except funny lines and lucky breaks - kind of like Shaggy in Scooby Doo, you know, catching the culprit by accident? That was Alex. She was pretty stupid too... But Sam had long hair - Something I wanted at the time, but only in theory (I cannot manage long hair) and she was really smart. She was the brains of the group. She was also, by coincidence, wearing green.  Yay, smart, mature, and redheaded (Actually most redheads I know in real life aren't that pretty...) She also didn't have an annoying voice like AHEM Clover :| Even in Pokemon! When the first 150 (Or was it 151? I always forget -_-) Pokemon came out, I adored Bulbasaur before I realized its attack strength sucked (The only thing good about it was its special, which were all leech seed, mega drain, vine whip, and razor leaf. And even then your rival could own with Charizard, because Charizard, as everybody knows, has the greatest attack strength ever, PLUS he's fire. Yes, I still remember all this mmk? shaddup.) I eventually graduated to Squirtle being my favorite because Charmander's so overpicked, and Squirtle can beat Charmander, and Bulbasaur sucks as a Pokemon anyway. But I was first and foremostly drawn to Bulbasaur as a Pokemon, and in the Gold and Silver versions, Chikorita WAS my favorite (This was because everybody predictably picked Cyndiquil, and Totodile was kind of ugly) . Was it a coincidence that they were green? I THINK NOT! Actually, I'm not sure.
But it didn't even stop there. Now that I think about it in the Mario Party games, I always used to pick Yoshi. Then I stopped because my cousin was drawn to Yoshi and started picking Peach instead. And I used to prefer Luigi over Mario (But maybe it was because Luigi was more skinny and taller...)
Was it destiny though? Was it? Was it? I can't really be sure. I just thought it was weird and wanted to share it with you. :\ That's how boring my summer has been, really.
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| Or at least, it was mine. I've always had bad experiences in public bathrooms. I can only count two instances really, that made me scared of them.
In Pre-K, the worst thing you could do was go into the opposite sex's bathroom (Why exactly did they have a girl's room and a boy's room anyway? There were no urinals in the guy's bathroom, and I doubt anybody got their period when they were 4 or 5). Which was exactly why PJ, nasty kid that he was, dared me to go into the boy's bathroom, with the lights closed for two whole minutes.
Here's the deal. Me and PJ really hated each other. He'd make fun of my hair because well... It was up in a palm tree (I totally blame my mom!) I tried looking for a picture, but I'm not exactly sure what the style's called. But basically all the girls in my grade had longer hair, and I had... Well, a boy cut! I guess that was another reason. But anyway, I hated his guts because he was blond, obnoxious, and kind of had that Macaulay Culkin look going on... Which made him look really prissy and girly. So I guess he made fun of me because I didn't act or look like a girl, and I made fun of him because he didn't look or act like a boy. Weird.
So quite obviously, I couldn't and wouldn't refuse a dare like that, even if I was scared of the dark. I would never back out on a dare coming from him! So I said yes, confidentally.
"Don't do it!" Aamna begged, but a group of kids crowded around the restroom, interested, and it was too late to back out with all of them watching.
"Ready?" PJ cracked a malicious smile.
He opened the door and pushed me in and came in too. I didn't know he was coming in! That was not part of the deal. This made it worse. Great. I couldn't even be scared properly now. It was really dark in the bathroom too. I rocked my heels back and forth. How long was two minutes anyway. More importantly, did PJ even know how long two minutes was? Because I certainly didn't know.
"Scared yet?" he sneered. I jumped. He sounded closer to me than I thought.
"N-No..." I lied. He heard the waver in my voice and laughed. Then he grabbed my arm and that's when I started screaming. No way would I let that kid touch me!
Apparently my blood curdling screams were heard by Mrs. Ansari, my teacher. She opened the door, and demanded, "What's going on here?!"
Instantly PJ adopted the priss attitude he always wore. "Mrs. Ansari, Mariam walked in on me." Sheesh! What a liar!
"With the lights off?" Mrs. Ansari raised her eyebrows. She was a very smart woman. "You are not having any recess, both of you."
I was annoyed to say the least. Stupid dare. Stupid PJ. Stupid kids staring at me. Stupid Mrs. Ansari. Stupid bathroom.
The second most traumatizing event involving bathrooms that I had was in 1st Grade. Me and my friend April went to go fetch jump ropes for recess and on the way, I had to take a piss. Real bad. So we stopped at the bathroom next to the principal's office. Nobody ever uses that bathroom, but I was desperate, so we both entered, and April waited, while I used one of the stalls. After I was finished washing my hands and stuff, I went to open the door.
But it was jammed.
"It wont open," I announced.
"You're joking," April laughed nervously.
"No I'm not," I grunted and pushed my weight against the door. It budged a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of an inch. No joke. April came to help. It would not budge. Stupid door!
We started yelling, praying that somebody passing by would hear us.
"Help! We're inside! Somebody save us! We're going to die!" But the door was made of metal and it was very heavy.
Finally, I gave up and sank against the wall and started crying. I started praying, asking for forgiveness. I'm sorry that I lied to you Mom, about doing my homework. I'm sorry I told you that I wanted to stab you in the back Ahad. I'm sorry I called you bossy, Iman. I'm sorry I told Ms. Lima about your crush on her, Ben. I'm sorry I cheated off of you, Alex, I just don't know my multiplication tables that well.
April began to cry too, but she didn't give up. Finally, she backed up, and rammed her shoulder against it. The door opened.
"That was so close," April said. She breathed a sigh of relief and started massaging her shoulder.
"We could have starved," I said. "And nobody would've known." I loved being dramatic.
"Well, we could've survived for some time. There was water," April reminded me.
I think we got in trouble that time too. Because by the time we got back class time had already started and Ms. Lima was furious that we skipped recess. She wasn't convinced about us almost dying, but honestly, who skips recess on purpose?
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